My knees are fine (everybody always asks – something about my age?, the number of miles I plan on racing?, the notion that if you run long you’re bound to damage them? – dunno). Even the ankle is better. But the mind-set, well, that’s a different matter. It’s a bit off, a bit tweaked, a bit tweaked-off. “Not sure I can accomplish this” type of thought pattern going on. Did a long trail run two days ago and it started off just fine, nice little downhill, good weather, hubby on the bike for me to chase, pretty trail. Then the uphill came, and my attitude went in the opposite direction. All of the sudden it was hot, and the trail was dusty, and my legs were aching and I was walking and simultaneously calculating just how long, if I couldn’t pick up the pace, it was really going to take to finish 50-miles, and maybe it was all a silly endeavor, and WTF was I doing, and etc., etc., etc.. Not so much fun. Managed to complete the run but without much joy, that’s for sure.
So took a day off, and did a short run this morning with lots of little speed intervals. Again, no joy, but not necessarily painful, physically, or mentally.
So, me thinks I need to change the attitude. But how? Recover more/longer? Mix it up? Chalk it up to some strange mix of stars and planets? Stop thinking about it and get on with it? Don’t really know at this point.
But I do know I ain’t giving this up, not at this juncture, that’s for sure. Gotta find the fun, the joy, again. As I type I see those two big young white dogs napping in the sun in front of me. And I think what it is like for them to run – the happiness, the romp, the play. Perhaps a little more of their levity will help my feet to find the light and love of it again. Yes, I think that perhaps it will, perhaps it will…